06-J0KER Private Match: Speed
by Chronic Guardian
Summary: [Deckverse AU] "If you stop, I'll wait for you. If you leave, I'll be there when you come back." A story about Yutsui Koizumi and her career in J0KER. For Aviantei. Rated a strong T/(low M?) for suicide. [Twelve Shots of Summer: Trinity Limit]


**[06-]J0KER Private Match: Speed**

By Chronic Guardian

 **Author's Note:** **Written for Twelve Shots of Summer: Trinity Limit [week 6:Master and Student/Through the Wasteland]**

 **Disclaimer: CG does not condone suicide.**

Rules:

Speed is a game played between two players. Traditionally, ten cards are dealt into two stacks of five to form the stock while the rest of the cards are distributed between the two players. Players then draw five to seven cards from their personal stack (depending on the agreed rules), and then simultaneously each reveal a card from the stock. Play then commences.

The object of the game is to empty one's hand before their opponent. Cards are played analogously off of the revealed stock (e.g. stock is 10, either a 9 or J may be played. If a 9 is played, the next card must be either an 8 or 10). Doubles (10 on 10, 6 on 6, K on K, etc.) are allowed in some variants, but not all. Traditionally, it is considered good form to allow play "around the corner" (e.g. K to A to 2). If no cards can be played on the current stock, new cards are drawn from the stock at both players' consent and play reconvenes. Once a player has emptied his or her hand and cannot replenish it, "speed" is declared and the game is over.

It is interesting to note, however, that while the game is called "speed", a skilled player will take the moments of rest, the "stalls" in the flow, to reorganize their hand in order to ensure effective play once flow begins again. Reflex is not the only force at play here, but careful planning as well.

 **-J-**

It was late Saturday night. Of course, Tokyo didn't care. Heck, the streets were practically lit up like the middle of the day. If it weren't for the pitch black sky above, most people probably wouldn't know the difference.

Unfortunately for Yutsui Koizumi, the rules of her curfew very much knew the difference; and unless she found a clever way to sneak back on base without being detected then she was about to get another lesson on exactly what the difference meant to her.

The first obstacle would be the battery operated CCTV monitors. Those she could knock out for a bit by disrupting their internal clocks. It wasn't one of the more awe-inducing expressions of her unique abilities, but it was still useful in its own right. She could pull a similar trick with the breaker to give herself a few minutes of darkness to navigate the base and get back to her room. So long as she played it smooth, everything else would be a cakewalk.

Pinning down the outline in her head, Yutsui took a deep breath and reached out into space while visualizing a three-dimensional map. There were four cameras tracing her route on the other side. The breaker was downstairs near the operations room. Deck designed the place like a bunker, so all the vital systems were within the fortified circle. Getting anything in or out of there, even with the power off, was a royal pain.

Thankfully, that fortified circle didn't include her room. The standard barracks were placed upstairs to give the appearance of a normal boarding house. A boarding house with cameras, sure, but Yutsui was sure other landlords were unreasonably paranoid enough to emulate the setup.

The cameras in question were located mostly along the ceiling, although someone on the design team had a sneaky enough sense of humor to hide a few on book shelves and other odd locations. It didn't matter, Yutsui could still telepathically track each one through its electromagnetic pulse. That was one of the perks of her O-Ability. Some times it was hard to believe she'd been shuffled in as a Six. Once she'd gotten a solid lock on each target, she opened her lips and whispered, " _Disruption_."

Five tiny tears in space bubbled up then out of existence and the base went dark. Yutsui grinned to herself and waited for the footsteps inside to move out of the main room towards the bunker before quietly opening the door and slipping inside.

She moved like a ninja, expertly navigating her way in the dark through the room, up the stairs, and down the hall. She willfully stifled a triumphant laugh at her absolute prowess and reached out to take the door knob.

When her hand collided with a soft figure that definitely wasn't the door knob, she froze.

"Welcome back," the Jack's voice greeted her dryly. "Enjoy your night on the town, Miss Koizumi?"

Yutsui groaned and tried to force her way around the human obstacle. So much for 'absolute prowess'… "Hey, Mr. Stickler," she mumbled, awkwardly reaching her hand behind his back. "You mind moving? I'd hate for you to get caught in the girl's section of the dorm this late."

"Miss Koizumi," the Jack began again. He didn't sound exasperated, but that was probably more due to his thick skull than actual patience. "If you agree to stop for just a moment, I'll be happy to move on my own."

Yutsui shot him a challenging look he probably couldn't see with the lights off and made another go at the concealed door knob. No luck. Slowly, she extricated her hand and sighed. "Okay, fine. What's up, Jack?"

"Just a friendly reminder: Deck isn't a game of solitaire."

"...You're gonna have to be a little more specific." She wasn't in the mood for another round of card puns. She'd run into enough of those to make her gag during orientation. Apparently Deck took advantage of their essential position by making everyone else suffer under a juvenile set of metaphors.

"If you stop, we'll wait for you. If you leave, we'll be there when you come back. Just remember that when you go out on these little escapades you're not the only one who stays up."

"Oh dear, I didn't realize," Yutsui drawled. "Just out of curiosity, is it always gonna be you personally who's waiting up?"

"As long as I'm with Deck, yes."

Yutsui rolled her eyes. Well… she should've seen that one coming out of the resident By-the-Book dogmatic.

"Great. Well, I'm here; thanks for waiting. Can we both go to bed now?"

"...Indeed. Goodnight, Miss Koizumi."

"G'night, Stickler."

The Jack moved and Yutsui quickly slipped into her room, only barely managing to not slam the door behind her.

Across the room, her roommate chuckled. "You never learn, huh, Yutsui? Or did you do it because you knew Tanaka-kun would be waiting for you?"

"Har har." Yutsui gave a halfhearted acknowledgment and trudged her way to her bunk, kicking off her shoes along the way. "...Good night, Nezumi. Thanks for waiting up"

"'Night, Yuts. Anytime."

 **-J-**

The Jack lowered his tawny eyebrows and frowned. "Are you ready to move now?"

Yutsui gave him a humoring smile and continued to scan her playable hand. It was game night, a euphemism for administration sanctioned mind games with her teammates. "Haaang on, don't rush me."

"The name of the game is 'Speed', Miss Koizumi," he sighed, staring hard at the cards on the table. Apparently he'd run out of cards to play until she unclogged the bottleneck. Unfortunately for him, Yutsui wanted to watch him squirm for his little speech last week. She didn't have anything to play in her hand either, but if she pretended to just be organizing then it bought her a few seconds to draw this out and poke at the guy's obnoxious iron will.

"Fun fact, Mr. Stickler: I don't care."

The Jack slowly closed his eyes and exhaled. "...Have you ever considered being more endearing, Miss Koizumi?"

She made a face. "What? Do you want me to get all mushy and call people 'Darling', or 'Sweetie', or whatever?"

"...That's not quite what I—"

"Aw…. Too bad then." A cheeky smile spread across her face as she reached down got ready to flip the next card into the stock. "Ready when you are, sweetie."

Her opponent mimicked the motion and almost signaled the flip before he paused. Yutsui raised an eyebrow. "You okay, darling?"

"Perhaps I ought to properly introduce myself."

Oh, wonderful. Another one of his "you must be misbehaving because you don't get the rules" moments of social awkwardness. Better to get it over with quickly. "All right..." She put down her cards and extended a hand across the table. "Yutsui Koizumi, Six of J0KER."

He grasped her hand in a firm, but tender hold. She frowned. Not because of the pressure, but because there was something unnervingly sincere in the touch.

"Renkuko Tanaka," he answered, offering a quiet smile. "Jack of J0KER."

"Nice to meet you, Ren. Now, if you don't mind..." She signaled with her eyes back to their cards. "Perhaps we ought to continue the game?"

"Gladly, Miss Koizumi."

Locking eyes, they flipped the cards.

 **-J-**

Footsteps clanged up the fire escape as Yutsui and Nezumi rushed to make the rooftop rendezvous. It was a month later and they were out on assignment in Taipei.

"Hey, how you holding up?" Nezumi asked, her dark brown eyes flashing under the rim of her signature ball cap. She did a furtive scan of the area for Noise before again looking back at Yutsui. She was getting nervous, and nervousness made Nezumi chatty.

"I'm fine... dear," Yutsui gritted out. Her voice bounced with each step, almost comically. "Now let me… focus on breathing!"

"You ever thought about running in the morning, Yuts?"

"Can't find… a good partner."

" _I_ run in the morning, you know."

"You'd also… leave me in the dust!"

"Yeeeah, can't argue with you there. I mean, not that I can blame me. Whoever slows down enough to keep pace with you is either just as out of shape or has the patience of a rock."

Yutsui was about to spit back whichever snarky retort came to mind first when a Noise burst out of the wall right ahead of them. Nezumi cried out a string of curses and Yutsui barely had enough time to create a pocket of space between them before the creature lashed out.

"What the hell, Yutsui?!" Nezumi shouted, reeling to regain her balance as space returned to normal. She caught her footing just in time to deliver one of her unique "pressure point" blows to the monster's head. Her O-Gene allowed her to focus kinetic energy into a single point, exponentially increasing the force of even a finger flick. Her bat cracked on its skull before the Noise faded into static. "Don't throw those things so close!"

"Sorry, darling," Yutsui breathed, leaning on the metal railing for support. "Next time, I'll let it bite you instead."

"Can't you like… use a 'void ray' or something?"

"Oh, sure dear, making a linear rip in our dimensional fabric… I could do that all day!"

"Then why didn't you?!"

"Because I can't, that was sarcasm. Now if you don't mind, maybe we should be moving—look out!"

Yutsui barely had time to point behind Nezumi as a pack of wolf Noise began scrabbling onto the fire escape. The structure groaned under the weight and the two girls screamed.

It was right around one that the Jack appeared from the roof top and leapt head first off the building. Yutsui almost screamed again before he grabbed the fire escape with one arm, canceling his descent, and swung himself into the group of Noise that had just materialized.

Half a minute later, the Jack was breathing heavily, leaning down on one knee, and Yutsui and Nezumi were staring open mouthed.

"Are you… injured?" the Jack managed between breaths.

"Uh… no! No, we're fine, thanks!" Nezumi answered after a moment, waving off his concern. "Sorry to bring you down. Let's keep moving, yeah?"

"And Miss Koizumi?" the Jack pressed, looking back steadily at Yutsui.

Nezumi followed his gaze back before a slow grin started to spread across her face. Yutsui looked away and blushed. "I'm fine, Jack darling," she told him. "Now let's go, the others are waiting."

The Jack nodded once, then got to his feet and nodded again before leading the charge up to the rooftop.

"I think someone has a secret admirer," Nezumi whispered to Yutsui, barely holding down a fit of giggles.

"And I think someone's delusional; he's like that with everyone, sweetie."

"Awww! Why not test it out and live a little?"

Yutsui scowled and glared back at her partner. "Just what are you suggesting, Nezumi?"

"Easy there, Yuts. I'm not saying you should start dating or anything, just see if he's the man with enough patience to run with you."

"...Five hundred yen says you're delusional."

"Deal! I could use the cash."

Yutsui rolled her eyes and started thinking of a good use for five hundred yen.

 **-J-**

On one hand, she should have seen it coming that the Jack would be up to the task. It was kind of unnerving how well the man consistently backed up his idealism. On the other, the guy was about as romantic as a science project wrapped in newspaper. After some debate, Yutsui was able to argue that she won the bet and Nezumi told her she'd get the five hundred yen at the end of the month when salaries came in.

In the meantime, Yutsui got to the point where she could carry on a comfortable conversation while running at a decent pace. She slowly began to appreciate how unfailingly sensible the Jack was about everything. They talked about work, about philosophy, about the latest trends hitting the streets outside them.

"You know, you never struck me as trendy," Yutsui said as they turned a corner of the track down at the Deck training grounds.

"Some things never go out of style," he answered with a shrug.

"You know, Ren dear, I think you'd look good with a pocket watch."

"A pocket watch?"

"Mmm," she gave an emphatic nod and kept running. "Something nice and antiquated."

"You know I'm only three years older than you, right?"

"You know at our age that makes you a geezer, right darling?"

Ren laughed. "Nineteen isn't _that_ old."

"It is to a kid like me," Yutsui shot back. "Even two years is pushing it. Once you get over eighteen, you're practically in retirement."

"Oh? I'll have to notify HR then. I think Ganabara might have missed the window by a few decades."

"Whatever you say, dear. I'm just saying, you seem like the kind of man who could appreciate a pocket watch."

"Trinkets like that are only good if they mean something."

"..."

"Are you up for another lap?"

"...S-sure! Ready when you are."

Ren laughed again and Yutsui felt her cheeks getting hot. Why did it matter what he thought? Why was she talking about this anyway?

As she watched him carefully keep pace beside her, she remembered his words in a dark hallway the night he'd caught her sneaking out. " _If you stop, we'll wait for you. If you leave, we'll be there when you come back."_

Yutsui sniffed and pushed her speed a little faster. _I'm not as weak as you think, you don't need to wait up for me_.

No matter how hard she ran, Ren stayed right there beside her.

 **-J-**

The next shuffle occurred a few years later when a batch of transfers were ordered and Yutsui's J0KER unit lost half their members. Nezumi was one of the ones with marching orders. She gave Yutsui a big hug and said with a wink that she looked forward to any updates on Ren. Yutsui told Nezumi to soak her head in a Siberian swimming pool, but promised they would keep in touch.

After the shuffle got itself sorted out, Yutsui found herself as the new Queen of J0KER. In retrospect, she would've liked to be a Ten; just out of the Court, but still important enough to demand respect. Making it even more awkward was the fact that Ren had snagged the King slot. Yutsui couldn't argue with the appointment, he certainly deserved it, but it still felt like a not-so-subtle nudge from the Ace to, well, get closer. At least Nezumi wasn't around to crow about it.

As time went on though, things slipped back to normal. Ren was still Ren, and that allowed Yutsui to stay Yutsui. They got better at working together, but she felt more like his little sister than a queen, an equal. That was the way she phrased it to Nezumi in her e-mails, anyway.

Nezumi wrote back some teasing jab that ended with "So when are you gonna kiss him?"

Yutsui rolled her eyes and sent a skull and crossbones meme.

Her old roommate replied with a puzzled look. _"_ _When you're pirates?"_

She'd actually meant something more along the lines of "over my dead body", but considering the possibility of either her or Ren becoming pirates, that interpretation worked too.

 _"_ _Sure, why not_."

" _Wait! What do you mean, Yuts? Tellll Meeeee!"_

 _"_ _Maybe when you're older, darling._ "

 _"_ _Fine, but you've got to at least give him something. Guys don't wait forever, girl."_

Yutsui had to crack a smile at that. _"_ _This one might._ "

Still, it was a nice idea.

 **-J-**

In the heat of the moment, the idea seemed decidedly less nice. She'd managed to find an antique watch with a nice face design and a matching ring. It wasn't until she was boxing it up that she realized a rose design might be a tad feminine for a guy like Ren. True, Ren wasn't the kind of guy to get easily offended, but jiminy christmas if he wasn't manly! Even if he took it, he wouldn't be able to wear it in public. The watch thing fit him, but a rose? Really? What was she thinking?

And then there was the ring. Yutsui liked the idea of rings in general. Some people liked their symbolic meaning but Yutsui just thought they were a fun accessory. What did Ren think of rings? Come to think of it, Ren didn't really do bling in general. Was it strictly a girl thing? No, she'd seen the Director wearing rings and there were plenty of macho guys on the streets with earrings. This would be fine!

But… if Ren did take it that way…

Yutsui shook her head and scowled banishing the thought. Ren wouldn't. Ren would know. He wouldn't think this was weird, he would think it was sweet.

 _Er… wait._

Still, the doubts nipped at her ears like a pack of mosquitoes in mid-July as she waited for him at the base entrance. She adjusted her glasses twice and consciously stopped herself from digging her fingernails into the wrapping paper. If she didn't know any better, she would swear someone in Hearts was jinxing her.

She was about to take a deep breath and calm down when Ren walked in with Reiko, the Ace. Reiko was a beautiful, sensible woman who was only a year older than Ren. She had a winning smile, a sincere laugh, and an impeccable sense of professional fashion. Yutsui suddenly abandoned all hope that she'd ever had even a sliver of a chance with Ren and happily resumed the roles of partner and student.

When Reiko caught sight of her, the Ace flashed a surprised expression before grinning and turning to Ren. "We'll finish this conversation later, Renkuko," Yutsui heard her say. "Meet me in the communication room when you're ready. Until then!" Before Ren could protest, Reiko was gracefully gliding away. She slipped Yutsui a wink and whispered, "good luck!"

The words may as well have been a curse. Yutsui almost lost her grip on the box as her muscle control significantly worsened. She managed to awkwardly catch it against her upper thigh before it hit the ground, but that left her doubled over like someone had just punched her in the stomach. _Did Ren see that?_ She squeezed her eyes shut and grimaced to herself. _I hope not..._

"Miss Koizumi?"

She looked up to see Ren standing beside her and suppressed a high pitched yelp.

"...Is something the matter?"

"No!" Flushing red both at his obstinate cluelessness as well as her own sharp tone of voice, she thrust the box into his stomach and adjusted her glasses again. She'd given up on wearing contacts when she'd become Queen. She fervently denied it to everyone, herself included, that the decision had anything to do with Ren saying she looked nice with glasses.

Ren simply shook his head and lifted the box to eye level to examine it like a jeweler appraising an item for pawn. Apparently satisfied with the solid yellow wrapping paper she'd had on hand, he lowered his arms and began slowly unwrapping the gift with agonizing care.

Yutsui made a face at him. "What, are you saving the wrapping paper?"

He looked up and smiled. "Yes, as a matter of fact."

"...You're still an old cheapskate, darling, even as King."

They both laughed a little and Yutsui started to feel better about the whole thing. It was only a gift. She could tell herself it was a late birthday present. _Yeah… four years late considering I never got him anything those other years_. Still, the excuse held enough water that her brain would let it slide.

When he finally unearthed the box's treasure, he held it up by the chain and examined the surface. Yutsui internally cringed. "A pocket watch?"

"Y-yeah!" she managed to stammer out. Her arms crossed automatically and she shifted her feet to keep from falling over. "I… I don't think you remember but—"

"You said I would look good with one," he finished for her, carefully tracing the embossed rose with his fingers. If she didn't know he had an enhanced sense of touch, she'd probably think the delicate motion of his digits was weird.

Inevitably, his fingers found the catch and the watch's lid clicked open. Yutsui then remembered she'd hidden a ring inside.

As if to emphasize her mistake, he lifted the small, interweaving band out of its cradle and held if up to the light. "And what might this be for?"

"What, that?" She gave a pathetic attempt at a laugh and adjusted her glasses. Would he notice she was doing that too much? The best way to cover would probably be to just keep moving. She grabbed the first words that came to mind and shoved them out her mouth. "You know… Just in case you find someone someday."

The curious look he gave her was humiliatingly amused.

"You'll need to find her on time, mind you," Yutsui pressed on, loading her voice with false reassurance. Her nerves felt like they were made out of toothpicks at the moment, and it didn't help any that she knew he could hear her heart playing ping-pong in her ribcage. "Ren dear, don't put it off forever! Er… That is..."

"Thank you," he told her, closing the watch and slipping it into his pocket. "I'll do my best then."

They shared a small smile and the world began to move again.

"Let me know when you meet her, Darling," Yutsui said, punching him playfully in the arm. "You know, so I can brief her on all your quirks. If it's gonna last, she'll have to understand how much of a numbskull you can be. Fair warnings and all that, you know?"

He nodded and began to walk towards his meeting with Reiko. "Until then; eh, Miss Koizumi?"

"Until then, Ren dear."

Once he was out of sight, she collapsed against the wall and let out a shaky breath. As she covered her face with her hands, she quietly promised to never make such a fool of herself ever again.

 **-J-**

"Thank you all for coming," Reiko addressed the suit members gravely with her hands clasped in front of her. It was the middle of the night, but she and the other constituents of the room were dressed for battle. "J0KER is being hereby reassigned to rogue hunting," she informed them calmly. "We have reports from across the globe of anomalous events the Director believes are linked to fallen O-Gene users. I understand that some of those we will be hunting were previously our friends and partners. Please, be strong and remember that we fight for the good of the whole. Under such circumstances, we naturally cannot afford the luxury of doubt or hesitance. Before we begin this mission, do we have any objections?"

The room fell silent as a number of possibilities ran through Yutsui's head. Her first thoughts ran to Nezumi. When Reiko said 'neutralize', did she mean 'kill'? Could she… do that to Nezumi? _No_ , Yutsui shook her head and ran a hand through her hair. _Nezumi would never go rogue_.

That didn't mean others wouldn't.

The more she thought about it, the more she didn't like the whole situation. One way or another, she was being asked to fight against people she knew. Probably people she'd cared about at one point. Could she really hold to that decision when it came down to it? She slipped Ren a measuring look to see what he thought.

"...I understand, Ms. Rikamizu," Ren answered solemnly, clasping his fist and bowing. "We won't fail."

Swallowing hard, Yutsui stood up and followed her master.

 **-J-**

"Ready?" Yutsui asked, pointedly raising her eyebrows as she gripped the edge of the face-down card.

Ren's glazed eyes quickly refocused as he looked down at his hand before grasping his own stock. "Ready," he confirmed with a nod.

"All right… go."

They flipped the cards and began slamming down what they could.

Yutsui stopped after three cards while Ren kept going intermittently. "You dealt me a really crumby hand, darling," she muttered, shifting through her five cards again to see if she'd missed something. She hadn't.

"Apologies," Ren murmured back, burning through his own stack with enviable ease. "There's always the next game."

"Huh… Right."

"Speed." He set down his last card and gave a weary smile. "Shall we play again?"

"Sure." She poured herself another glass and reached for the cards. It was her turn to shuffle. "Anything to keep the mind busy."

They were up to twenty three erasures. Nezumi wasn't one of them, and that was all Yutsui could tell herself to justify staying.

"Yutsui?"

She slowly looked up at Ren and stared.

"Do you think we'll ever be normal again?"

"...I dunno, Ren."

"Sometimes, I wish we got a re-deal with this life of ours."

"Hmph," she sniffed and adjusted her glasses. "I'll settle for knowing my partner's waiting when I get home."

"Mmm?"

She finished dealing the cards and grabbed her starting stock. "Nothing. Don't worry about."

 **-J-**

It was about a year later. Right when Yutsui thought she'd gotten numb enough to just shut up and do her job, the orders came in. _Former CHECKMATE operatives sighted: Kaede Ryoushi, Gunji Onigawa, and Nezumi Kouchi. Neutralize as possible_.

"CHECKMATE, they've been dabbling with something involving the Noise Plane," Ren said. "Their sanity might be compromised at this point."

Yutsui tried to laugh to lift the weight off her chest. "So what, show no mercy?"

"On the contrary," Ren returned, holding up a finger. "Our orders are to neutralize. We both know this isn't what they were like originally. If we can help them regain themselves—"

"You're setting yourself up to get hurt, Ren dear."

He simply tied on his combat gloves and looked to their bunker's exit. "'Love hopes all things', Ms. Koizumi."

It hurt to know he wasn't bluffing, that he really was going to believe something good might happen. But at the same time, it also forced her to realize just how strong she had to be if she wanted to be like the King. "...Understood, Ren dear."

She took a deep breath and followed him outside.

 **-J-**

She found Nezumi in an abandoned Chinese factory. The lines had long been emptied and the machinery was stripped of anything remotely useful. It was a hollowed out shell with just enough left over to show what it had once been.

Nezumi herself was waiting against one of the beams, as if expecting them. When Yutsui and Ren stepped in, she waved.

"Hey, Yuts," the older woman said, leaning on her bat as she gave a tired smile. "You here to end it?"

"...To stop you," Yutsui allowed, carefully awakening her energy reserves as she began conducting her O-Gene. They had agreed she would do the talking due to her previous bond. She wouldn't have to use anything lethal, just enough to support Ren. He would be able to knock Nezumi out and take her into custody. This didn't have to end the same as the others.

"Y'know… I kinda wish you'd cut and run," Nezumi went on. "You used to be okay with letting it be the other guy who takes care of the work. What happened?"

"Someone showed me I could toe the line, just like everyone else."

"Huh… That's too bad." Nezumi shook her head before making an 'ok' sign with her left hand, index finger resting on her temple. "I didn't want to fight someone I knew."

"You don't have to fight me," Yutsui insisted, walking closer. "We still have a choice."

Something raced across Nezumi's arms, making them shudder. Bits and pieces of Noise broke out along her body and she fell to her knees, all the while keeping her hand to her head.

Yutsui reflexively reached out and her shouted friend's name. "Nezumi!"

"Sorry it's… you who has… to do this," Nezumi forced out. "Just pretend… you didn't see."

There was a sharp crack and Nezumi's head jerked to the side before she slumped over onto the floor. Her left hand had sprung.

 **-J-**

Yutsui did her job after that, no questions asked. No attachments, no pain. She had Ren, and Ren would live. They told each other it needed to be done, that they were protecting innocents from the Noise. It was true, but Yutsui never saw the innocents, only the executioners.

"There's a light at the end of all this," Ren told her. "One day, those clouds will break and we'll remember what sunlight feels like again."

Yutsui just nodded and followed. Frankly, she'd gotten so used to a life in the shadows that sunlight would probably just burn at this point. Still, it was a fitting reward considering what they'd done.

The only regular part of their lives was cards. It became therapeutic, calming. While her hands and eyes mechanically moved through each round with practiced, inhuman speed, her mind blocked out whether she won or lost. She just waited for the re-deal so she could start again.

 **-J-**

"I'm leaving J0KER," Ren told her quietly at the end of the campaign. They were riding home in an old military transport. CHECKMATE was finished and almost everyone they knew was gone. Reiko had disappeared during the final battle and most of their other suitmates were either transferring into other departments or retiring. Although the Director had hinted at some clean up work, J0KER itself was being decanonized as a suit.

"...I'm happy for you," Yutsui returned after a moment. Her voice had lost its expression over the past year and now came across as a deadened drone. They were the right words, but they felt wrong in her mouth.

They sat there in silence for a few more minutes. Ren gave her an expectant look; she stared back, too tired to answer.

"What will you do?" he finally prompted her.

Yutsui pursed her lips and closed her eyes as she leaned back against the transport's inner belly. "I'm doing what you taught me to do," she answered simply. "I'm sticking with it."

"...I see."

The rest of the journey was spent just like that. Eyes closed, waiting in darkness for the world to stop moving. When they landed, she waited for Ren's footsteps to move past her and counted to thirty before opening her eyes again and standing up.

 _I'm letting go, I'm moving forward_ , she told herself as she started moving back towards their old base. _I'm doing what you taught me to do_. Even if Ren couldn't do it any more, she would.

When the Director informed her of Ren's resignation, she nodded and accepted her new position as the King of J0KER.

 **-J-**

The first few years were spent gathering a new crew. Even if J0KER was no longer an official suit, there were still jobs to be done and Yutsui wasn't going to wait around for someone else to do them.

She took in two orphans who'd lost their parents to rogue CHECKMATE members and trained them from scratch. She taught them everything Ren had taught her. Some days it felt like old times. Others it felt like she was dragging them through the graveyard of her past to hunt down ghosts. For their sake, she clung to reality and made sure her stiff upper lip wasn't just a show. Part of her wondered if that was how Ren had gotten through.

Behind it all, she was at war within herself. She hated Ren for leaving. Sometimes, when she was alone, she cursed his name and wished they'd never met. If he'd never talked her into his stupid idealism, she would've left a long time ago and J0KER would be someone else's problem.

On the other hand she missed Ren more than anyone, even Nezumi. No matter how much his legacy hurt her, she knew she'd never be able to run away from it. He was a part of her. Without his guidance, she was still just a grumpy, selfish, kid who didn't know jack about how to do life.

 **-J-**

She was out on one of her days off with the kids when they came across an antique merchant selling pocket watches. Yutsui stopped to look at the designs without knowing what her eyes were searching for.

"Yutsui?" Rueban, one of the two boys she'd taken in, tugged at her sleeve and gave her a funny look. "Do you like pocket watches?"

"...I think they're nice, Rue dear," she answered after a moment. She gave him a smile and began walking again.

They were a few steps along when Ayumu, the other boy, spoke up. "Don't get her one, Rue."

"Well, I won't now that she knows what I'm thinking," Rueban sighed with a shrug. "Thanks for ruining the surprise, Ayu."

Silently, Yutsui thanked Ayumu. Some things were better left buried.

 **-J-**

"You're sure you want the A-Gene?" the Director asked, a frown coming to his normally content features. "You know there might be certain risks to it. If you tap into the Noise Plane—"

"J0KER works alone now, we need the boost. Somebody's gotta do it, dear," Yutsui answered, rolling up her sleeve. "It might as well be me."

 _It certainly won't be Ren_. She added silently.

The injection only stung for a moment.

 **-J-**

"You're very focused, Yutsui," Ayane, her unofficial number two, made the observation over coffee as they browsed mission documents.

"...You don't need to tip-toe around me, darling," Yutsui told her, not looking up from the assigned reading. Ayane Tajima was a positive girl, and giving out spontaneous compliments wasn't out necessarily of character for her. However, Yutsui had been in a funk lately and she knew Ayane would notice. This was just the girl's way of playing support.

"Very well..." Ayane took a moment to straighten her stack of documents before taking a bracing breath. She almost sounded nervous when she spoke again. "You miss him, don't you?"

Yutsui gave a sardonic chuckle and kept reading.

"No?" Ayane sounded confused at the answer; Yutsui didn't blame her.

"I'll always miss him," Yutsui elucidated, waving her right hand in a vague motion while studiously avoiding eye contact. "That's life. You play with the hand they deal you."

"Do you think he'll ever come back?"

"Not a chance." _I hope not_.

"All right..."

Ayane dropped the subject and went back to reading. Somehow, Yutsui got the feeling it would come back to haunt her anyway.

 **-J-**

"Hey, Aunt Yutsui?"

Yutsui raised an eyebrow at Amber Hanekoma. The girl had practically been born and raised in Deck. Due to her unique O-Ability, she'd been shuffled into J0KER as a special operative. Although Amber was good at making friends in general, she took a particular shine to Rueban and Ayumu. Naturally, that meant she also dealt with Yutsui.

"You've been with Deck a while, huh?"

Yutsui suppressed a sarcastic laugh and tried to compose herself for the girl's sake. "...Call it an overdrawn commitment," she answered eventually. "Don't worry, sweetie, you won't be stuck here like me."

"But I _want_ to be like you!" Amber insisted, smiling broadly. "You never give up. When I grow up, I want to be able to stand up for what I believe, just like you."

Yutsui mulled over how to break it to the girl that the whole "never giving up thing" wasn't all it was cracked up to be. In the end, she decided to go soft. "Just don't stand alone."

"Don't worry," Amber giggled, "I'll probably get Rueban or Ayumu to hang out with."

Later that night, Yutsui had a long conversation with the boys about the importance of never letting your partner down. They took it in stride. She left the room when she realized she was starting to cry. After a composed exit, she fell against the wall and wiped her eyes, telling herself that the next game would be different for them.

 **-J-**

"There's been an incident," Director Minamimoto told her. "Something very much like what happened with CHECKMATE."

"And you need me to clean it up," Yutsui added curtly.

"Well… we're hoping it doesn't need the same 'cleaning up'," the Director answered, an uncomfortable grimace flickering across his face. "But, yes, I'm deploying J0KER to investigate."

"Ha," she barked a laugh and shifted her gaze out the window. "I'll need a bigger crew to deal with anything remotely CHECKMATEish, darling. J0KER isn't what it used to be."

"Indeed, that's why I'm authorizing your recanonization," he told her, passing an official notice across the table. "Anyone in particular you'd like to have me bring in?"

She gave a bitter smile and asked a question she'd been wanting to ask for years.

"You think Ren would come?"

The Director simply shrugged and pulled out his personal CARD. "Only one way to find out."

 **-J-**

It was a surreal experience, staring across the room as the doors parted and the man she'd thought about incessantly for the past thirteen years walked in. He was alive, real. At one point, she'd been hoping he'd died a peaceful death in retirement. When he'd walked out of her world those years ago, he'd ceased to exist in her three-dimensional space. Childishly, she'd been expecting reality to line up with her skewed internal perspective.

Part of her was infuriated that this wasn't the case. Renkuko Tanaka had died the day he disappointed her ideal image as the man who never gave up. The guy who walked away wasn't her teacher, so why did the guy coming back still command respect? The whole thing put her into a prickly mood and she breezed through the evening's formalities without saying a word to him.

When Ayane asked what was going on, Yutsui told her it was nothing and went to bed.

 **-J-**

She appointed him as the new Ten of J0KER. It wasn't a slight. The court was full and he probably wouldn't like it there anyway. He was there to help, but that didn't mean she had to put him through any more than was necessary. Frankly, she was still shocked he showed up in the first place.

The problem was that none of that changed the nature of their mission. They were still investigating people who were very likely Noise infected and the day would probably end with at least one head rolling. That was how these things worked. Sure, it had been thirteen years since CHECKMATE, but that didn't mean Yutsui forgot.

Apparently, however, Ren had. He was still quiet, respectful, confident, the same old Ren from before. In the years in between, he'd found something that eluded her: peace. He was alive again, somehow free from the horrible memories of everything they'd done.

Yutsui snapped at him when he pushed the subject. He'd walked away, and that was that. His peace came from dropping a burden she chose to carry alone. It was thanks to _her_ that he could live with himself.

Ren took the beating without complaint, gentleman that he was. In her head, Yutsui was pleading with herself to just stop and let it go. He'd moved on, but she was still in the wasteland. That was her fault, not his. He'd come back for her now, it would be okay.

 _He doesn't have to be here_ , she reminded herself. _He's here for you_.

Years of pent up venom clamped down on the statement and told her to shut up and finish the mission. This wasn't about him, it was about the mission. That was the way he taught her. If he wanted to play differently now, she'd just rub his own words in his face and show him what he put her through.

 **-J-**

 _Something is very broken in me_.

Yutsui watched as Ren struggled with one of their targets. The kid was turning into a Noise in front of her eyes and slowly destabilizing Ren.

And she was just watching.

She heard words, she knew something was happening. She could feel the energy washing over her former partner, threatening to disintegrate him at any moment.

 _I brought you here_ , she thought numbly. _I wanted you dead. I wanted you to hurt as much as I hurt. I'm sorry Ren, I'm so sorry._

As if all at once, her senses returned to her and she opened a hand toward the struggle. " _Black Hole!_ " A tear in space opened up and swallowed the rogue member. He let out a blood curdling cry as his bones crunched in the vacuum. Yutsui didn't hold back from the action though, it was her fault things had gone this far in the first place.

Turning, she faced the other rogue member in the room and again opened her hand. " _Void Ray!"_ She hit her target in the chest and sent him flying.

In her veins, the A-Gene started to kick back from overexertion. The barrier between her body and the Noise Plane waned as her O-Gene desperately drew in energy to make up for the strength of the attack. That was the price of breaking the limits. Oh well. At least she'd gotten something right before it all went down.

Across the room, Ren reached for her. His eyes demanded an explanation.

She tried to tell it to him like it was. This was her choice. She didn't want him to die anymore, she wanted him to live. That was why she did it. She knew what it would do, but she thought he was more important.

As the Noise Realm began consuming her, she could only hope she'd found the right words. Ren still looked lost, but he would live. He'd done it before. Now it was time for her to let him go.

 **-J-**

To tell the truth, Yutsui hadn't been expecting to survive. When she came to in the Noise Realm, her first reaction was to laugh. _What kind of sick joke is this, life?_ she asked in her head. _It's supposed to be over_.

Apparently, life had one last game to play with her. It came in the form of a Noise, a copy-cat Fox who morphed to match her appearance and powers. "Well, what else is new?" she laughed sadly as the phantom approached her.

"So, you're going down without a fight?" Yutsui watched as her reflected face took on a satisfied grin. "Good. I'll take your place then. For a while at least."

Yutsui's mind cleared just enough for her to register what was happening. Part of her wanted to just give up and let the thing erase her. The other part knew Ren never would've stood for that.

"Sorry," she answered slowly, drawing herself together. She was in no shape to fight, but that didn't excuse her from trying. "I can't let you do that."

"I promise I'll make it painless," the Noise reflection purred. "Your 'void' powers… I'll put them to good use. You have my word, the children won't feel a thing."

"So long as they don't feel it, you're justified?" Yutsui opened her palm towards the creature and gave a weary smile. "Wrong answer."

In a strange way, it was nice to finally tell herself that.

 **-J-**

In the end, Yutsui went down with the Noise Plane. Ren came up with some sort of plan that washed the Noise out of the area and, subsequently, saturated the Noise Realm with energy. Yutsui lost consciousness was certain she was finally dead.

She drifted in darkness for a long time, sometimes seeing a faint light in the distance. She thought she saw Nezumi and others who'd gone ahead before her. When she tried to chase them though, they disappeared into the blackness again.

After a while, she realized someone was beside her. She cracked eye in that direction, half expecting the grim reaper. Instead she saw Ren. He was looking into the distance, watching for the light. Yutsui gently grabbed his hand and closed her eyes again.

"I know this is selfish," She murmured to him. "But I'm glad you're here. I've missed you more than I know how to say."

His voice came back softly, as if muffled by the darkness. "...Come back to me."

"...Ren dear?"

"Come back to me," he repeated, squeezing her hand. She relished the feeling. "I've been waiting for you."

 **-J-**

Yutsui struggled to open her eyes, fighting against a crusting of dried fluids as she slowly regained control of her muscles.

Soft light greeted her. She blinked a couple times to clear her eyes and wondered for an odd moment where her glasses were. She tried to reach for her bedside with her right hand before realizing it was stuck. Giving out a light groan, she clumsily put her left hand to the task and succeeded in brushing across what felt like her glasses and also knocking them to the floor.

"Yutsui?"

She flinched and tried to squint at the figure she now realized was sitting beside her, holding her hand. "...R-Ren?" She coughed and swallowed, trying to get over her dried throat. Before she knew it, she was heaving up a laugh as well.

She felt arms wrapping around her and Ren's chin came down on her shoulder as she was lifted to a sitting position. She closed her eyes again and just savored feeling his heart beat against hers for a moment.

"I'm here," he whispered hoarsely. Within his secure grip, she could feel warm tears dropping on her shoulder. "I'm right here. Don't go."

A slow smile spread across her face as she remembered his words years ago. "If you stop, I'll wait for you. If you leave, I'll be there when you come back," she breathed. As feeling seeped back into her limbs, she slowly returned the hug.

Ren simply inhaled and held her closer. "Yutsui... would you honor me with another match?."

Yutsui just stayed smiling and bobbed her head against his shoulder.

It seemed life gave redeals after all.

 _-End Game-_

 *****Author's Note*****

Well… that is probably the longest one shot I've ever written ever. Good thing I finished it before posting day was up! Hopefully you'll forgive the wait. Originally, I meant to make this a lot shorter, but once I realized I was doing a chronicle of Deckverse Yutsui's life I just had to cover a LOT of things to make it read right. Hopefully, the end pay out justifies the long and drawn out lead up.

Of course, part of the lead up being long and drawn out is covering the "Through the Wasteland" prompt, because in order to truly portray Yutsui's life in this instance it needs to be emphasized that a large portion of it was very… well, sad. I know it feels like I introduced Nezumi (yet another "From the Underground Up" character) just to kill her off later, but I hope that the effect (essentially, breaking Yutsui) was still believable.

Overall, I feel like that characterizes this piece as a whole. I'd always wanted to write an extra epilogue to Deck:J0KER, but there was just so much more that needed to be said to give Yutsui's side of the story the weight that it needed. Ren and Yutsui shouldn't be read **Ren** and Yutsui, if you get my drift. Yutsui is so much more than a damsel in distress that's just there to be Ren's romantic interest, even if her connection to Ren is a key part of her character. By giving her this extremely long oneshot, I hope Yutsui is at least a little more established in her readers' eyes as being just as developed as Ren.

Finally, I would like to dedicate this piece to **Aviantei** , who is having a birthday soon and is a great writing buddy who encourages me to write difficult subjects and really try to grow as a writer. Because of her artistic daring you get things like… well, this. I hope you glean some joy from this tale, Avi. You've taught me a lot.

I'll see you next week,

-CG


End file.
